Elijah's Depression

Elijah was one of the greatest prophets of the Old Testament. When Jesus appeared on the Mount of the Transfiguration, he appeared with Moses and Elijah on either side of him. Elijah was right there beside Jesus in God's presence. Isn't that where we want to end up too?

So it may come as a surprise to you that Elijah the prophet suffered from depression. I am defining depression as a feeling that is so bad or intense that it makes you want to die. Elijah just wanted to lie and down and die. He felt that bad.

Let me read off a short list of other famous people who have suffered from depression:

John Adams, 2nd President of this country

Queen Elizabeth II

Abraham Lincoln

Angelina Jolie

JK Rowling

Winston Churchill

Oprah Winfrey

These are smart people. These are beautiful people. These are gifted people. These are people who have had everything to live for and yet, at moments in their lives, they felt like lying down and just dying. And Elijah the prophet was one of them.

Elijah had just shown up all the prophets of Baal. His offering to God was consumed in a burst of flame in front of hundreds of eyewitnesses, while their animal carcasses just sat there wet and abandoned. People were believing in God and that Elijah was his prophet. Elijah had had the prophets of Baal killed and, after an immense drought, God had brought rain down on the land. You would think that Elijah would have relished the victory, basked in his win. But often, right after a mountain top experience is when you fall the hardest. No sooner had he shown up the prophets of Baal then Jezebel the queen threatened his life. She sent him a message.

"I will kill you by this time tomorrow..."

I would definitely categorize that as hate mail. And there is nothing like hate to make you feel bad. Elijah was afraid. He ran far away and begged God just to let him die. He felt awful. Depression covered him like a black cloak.

Winston Churchill described a black dog that would consume him at times in his life.

Abraham Lincoln had such melancholy and darkness that he once said, "I am now the most miserable man living."

Depression is not something that happens to bad people or weak people or even lost people. God does not love you any less if you feel like dying sometimes. It seems to be a struggle that some of us have to endure, a cross to bear.

God would not let Elijah die. He gave Elijah food. Just like any of us would do to care for someone we love who is suffering and wants to die. He urged Elijah to live. And God led Elijah alone to a cave. Elijah sat there in that cave for awhile. He just let himself feel bad. And out of this period of great sadness and desperation, inside that dark cave, Elijah heard the voice of God.

Strange how God often speaks when we feel the worst. It is as if our moments of desperation open something up inside us, some kind of a space for God to speak. Depression can crack you wide open. Someone once told me that the valleys are fertile, where everything grows. But we all want to be on the mountaintop, to have mountaintop experiences. But nothing grows up there. No, greatness is often made in the valleys, in the challenges, and difficulties of life.

And before Elijah heard God, he heard everything else. He had to hear a whole bunch of things that were not God before he heard God. He heard wind and earthquake and fire, but they were not God. And that is how it goes with solitude and prayer. If you want to listen for God, you must be willing to hear some other stuff too. You may need to wade through quite a lot of noise and nonsense and sadness and feeling like a failure and anger and regret in order to find God's voice. Most of us, when we hear the worries and the noise that crowd our minds, we just want to give up and end the attempt. But Elijah stayed in that cave and continued to listen. Until finally he heard something that was God.

The words for what Elijah heard in the ancient Greek are best translated as this...eloquent silence.

He heard God in the sound of eloquent silence.

And when Elijah emerged from this encounter, he was no longer lost. He got his purpose back. His life become clear again and he went on to be a prophet once more.

The research psychologist Anders Ericsson ran an experiment with violinists at the Music Academy in West Berlin. He had the teachers divide the violinists into three categories: the best who could make a career of it, those who were good, and those who could maybe become teachers but who did not have great talent. And then he asked them all how they practiced. He found a profound difference in the three groups. All three spent over 50 hours a week in musical activities but the great violinists spent most of their musical time practicing alone. 3.5 hours a day for the best group and 1.3 hours a day for the worst group. They spent time alone, listening to themselves play. They were not afraid to be alone.

In fact, in her book Quiet, Susan Cain writes that the most pivotal moments of invention, creativity and life-changing discovery happened not in groups but by individuals throughout history who were not afraid to be alone and to listen to the sound of eloquent silence.

Depression drove Elijah into a cave where silence awakened his soul. Perhaps our pain can become a gift to us if it motivates us to listen. It takes enormous courage, even desperation, to be willing to stay in the midst of your noise and listen beyond it for God.

I urge you to find time to be silent. I urge you to listen. Everything in our lives tells us to rush and fill the quiet with noise. Turn on the radio, the TV, fill your schedule, go to sleep- anything to keep you from the silence. For it terrifies us to be quiet. We may end up realizing that we too feel great sadness or anger or depression. If that happens, remember that you are in good company. Remember Elijah and don't be afraid to continue to listen, for God can be found on the other side of all that pain and confusion. So bear it, listen to your worries and distractions and noises and look deep within. There is a well of life that runs within you. It was created at your baptism. God waits for you in the silence.

- The Very Rev. Kate Moorehead