Leaving Us

Why did he have to leave so publicly and for such a long time? I don't know why we celebrate saying goodbye.

I do not think that a person can understand the Ascension without understanding the difference between love and attachment.

Attachment would have us hold on to one another. Attachment would have a mother protect her children so much that they never were taught how to be self-sufficient. A spouse who is attached would not let his wife pay the bills, pump the gas, because he likes it that she needs him. Attachment would have us pretend that we never have to leave one another.

But love prepares us for eventual departure. No one can stay forever with another person. We will all be parted at least by death. But love talks honestly about this fact. Love prepares us for separation. Love lets a child grow up to care for itself as a responsible adult. Love forces a spouse to teach his wife how to take care of herself, in case anything should happen and she is left alone.

My son Max is taking swimming lessons. He started when he was two. At first the teacher just held him in the water, until he relaxed and trusted his teacher. Then the teacher let go a little, supporting Max under his shoulder blades so that he learned to float. Then he taught Max to hold his breath under water and to pull himself out of the pool. And little by little, he let go, until Max was swimming.

Jesus knew that it was time to let go of us. It was time for us to try living on our own. He thought that we could handle life without his physical presence. He thought that we were ready. And so he left us physically, bodily, in front of lots of people, so that there could be no doubt that he was saying good-bye.

Right after college, I saw the most wonderful therapist. He would listen so well, say the most thoughtful things. The only thing that made me mad was when he said, “Time's up.” After 50 minutes, no matter if I was in the midst of the most life-changing thought, he would end our session. I wanted him to be willing to go on for an extra five or ten minutes! What was the big deal about the time? It seemed so abrupt to me, so cold.

But over the months, I began to realize that this time with him was sacred partially because it was limited. I knew that I had his undivided attention for 50 minutes. And I knew that after that time was up, I would have to leave.

After one year, he said that he thought our work was complete. That made me mad too! After all, he was suggesting that I leave him. I didn't want to go.

But he was right. I was growing up. It was time to leave. I don't know if I would have valued what I learned nearly as much if I had been allowed to see him forever.

Jesus left us. He left us for heaven. All of us will have to leave this life after all. He was showing us how it must be done, with honesty and love. And now we know that he waits for us out there, at our true home.

- The Very Rev. Kate Moorehead

Friday, May 02, 2008