Two Steps to Repentence

A few years ago, I finished a book about repentance. It is called Get Over Yourself, which is my translation for repentance. The ancient Greek word, Metanoia, literally means to turn towards God. It is the opposite of paranoia, which means to turn inward to the self in fear. Metanoia is to turn out of the self, to God. But I have discovered something new, something more about repentance. It has two parts to it. Two very different, important parts.

The first part is simply forgiveness. Ben Clance told me a story this past week. Ben is a deacon who goes twice a week and spends all day at a maximum security prison. He walks the corridors until his knees hurt and his bones ache. He brings communion to murderers, rapists, drug dealers and other criminals.

Last week, Ben went to a cell in which there was an old man. His face was wrinkled and he had scars as well as tatoes. He was in isolation. This means that he was in his underwear in an empty cell with just a small mattress on the floor. He asked Ben for communion.

Now these men get mixed up about what to call Ben. They call him bishop or priest or pastor or minister or brother- it really doesnt matter to Ben, so long as they know that he is a man of God. This man told Ben that the officers would not lift the flap for him. Ben said he could get them to open it. And they did.

As Ben prayed, the man just stood there and wept. Great tears poured from his eyes. "Is it really true that God could still love me, after all that I have done? After everything that I have done?" And Ben said yes.

Moses was a murderer. He killed a man. Granted, it was a soldier who was abusing a Hebrew slave but it happened. He killed a man. And then he fled.

The first step in true repentance is forgiveness. Forgiving others and, perhaps more difficult, forgiving yourself. Moses was living in hiding. He was hiding from his crime and it's ramifications. He made a whole new life for himself, married and herded sheep. Then God showed up. God came to a murderer and told him to go back. God knew that he must return and do right in order to complete the process of forgiveness.
Go back to the scene of the crime, to the land where you committed murder. Do not run away. Go and look at your crime and understand that I forgive.

Its hard to believe that God can forgive our worst sins. It's hard to believe that heaven could be made up of people like us, people who have hurt the ones they love sometimes without even meaning it. I think all of us, at one time or another, have hurt someone we love. But God has infinite and immediate forgiveness. It is not human, this kind of forgiveness.

Salvation is not dependent on whether or not you have done bad things. Once you ask for forgiveness, your mistakes and failures are washed away, they are washed away. So why then do we still need to be concerned about salvation? Why isn't is just really easy to get to heaven? Because there is a second part of repentance. There is something else, something very important. Moses has to bear fruit. God says "Go back and serve me. You will bear fruit when you go back. This is what you must do to repent." And God tells Moses to return and lead the Hebrew people to freedom. This was a man with a speech impediment. And God told him to do something so hard it is almost unimaginable. All during the book of Exodus, Moses cannot believe what he has to do, it is that hard. But he tries. He takes one step at a time. And he sees God Almighty upon the mountain.

Jesus tells us that God does not punish people through tragedy or suffering. These things are just by products of our broken world. But there is one thing that does cause God to cut down the tree and that is if we never produce fruit. In other words, it is not enough to just let something go, which is what forgiveness means, to be free. It is not enough even to forgive yourself. You must take one more step in order to truly get over yourself. You must do something extraordinary for God.

Jesus tells a parable about a fig tree. It is not bearing fruit so the owner of he vineyard is going to cut it down. But the gardener begs for more time. Time to dig around the tree and plant manure. The owner gives the tree one more year. But if it doesn't produce fruit it will be cut down.

Your life must, in some way, become a gift to God. Fruit is meant to be eaten. Fruit spreads the seeds of God. How can you feed others in a way that teaches them of the love of God? How can your life become a song of praise to your maker? You must become like God in your actions in order to go to God when you die. Your salvation is not just about refraining from doing bad things, it is about DOING GOOD. And it is never too late to start.

Fruit doesn't have to rock the world, you know. It could be the simple but powerful act of listening. It could be an act of generosity, sharing your resources with others. It could be that you pray for people. What is your fruit? It has a unique flavor, you know. It is all your own. And I can tell you that, no matter what you decide to do, you will have to work hard. God challenges us as God challenged Moses.

When we ask you what kind of ministry you see yourself in, we are not asking to do it if you feel like it or what kind of preference you have like choosing ice cream or a pair of pants. We are talking about finding one of the keys to your life, the figs on your tree, the essence of your repentance. Service to God is not an option in this life. It is essential.

I pray for that man that Ben visited in prison. He has begun the first step of repentance, he is realizing that he has been forgiven. I pray that he now will have the courage to take the second step and bear fruit. Even there, in the dark cells of prison, fruit does grow and men do care for one another. Ben sees it every day.

- The Very Rev. Kate Moorehead