Unclean

I was young, 29 years old, when I became Rector of my first church. There I encountered my first raging alcoholic. He was my Senior Warden and his story is one which he openly shares. It is the story of a war with an unclean spirit known as alcoholism.

Sometimes, particularly in the life of a small parish, the Rector has to call the Senior Warden at night. When I called Dewey, his voice would sound funny. It was slurred. I worried that perhaps he had a stroke. It took me about six months to realize that his slurred words, his red face, his falls were all caused by drinking.

When I realized the truth, I took Dewey and his wife to a rehab hospital. Dewey was still convinced that he did not have a problem. All of his physical ailments he justified in many ways. His wife met him every evening at the door of their house with a glass of Scotch.

Dewey came to the treatment facility to humor me. His wife was beginning to realize that he would die. But she still hoped that she might be wrong. She still balked from telling him the truth because she was afraid that he might leave her.

They ushered us into a small room for triage, where we sat waiting.

The first person to enter our room was a pretty young woman. She seemed innocent and loving. She started with gentle, innocuous questions such as his age and weight. She took notes on a clipboard. After a few simple questions, she eased Dewey on with a gentle tone asking things like, "And how much scotch do you drink each day?" When he reported the enormous amount, she did not act shocked at all. She continued with a light tone, as if she thought all of this completely normal. Dewey got more and more confident, more and more relaxed, and his true alcoholism came out. He began to be more open. You could hear how he justified his drinking, how he felt the he worked hard and that he deserved it. By the time the young woman left, she had completely exposed Dewey's alcoholism in all it's ugliness. You could hear it loud and clear, justified and smug. Dewey was relaxed. He was convinced that he did not have a problem. I began to feel afraid and wondered if I had brought them to the right place.

Then the doctor came in. A short man with glasses, he did not look like the warrior that he was. He came in with the clipboard that the young woman had completed. He pulled a chair up close to Dewey and his wife. And he spoke.

"I am a doctor. I am here to tell you that you are killing yourself, that you are poisoning your body with alcohol. Do you know that, if you continue to drink as you are doing, you will be dead in three years?" Then he looked at Dewey's wife. "Do you want your husband dead? Yes? Then keep on doing what you are doing. Dewey, all your physical ailments are caused by the drinking...you are poisoning your body."

It has taken me years to articulate what happened in that room. I had to learn how to name it in a new language. Because what was going on was not just medical. It was spiritual. And there must be a language, a spiritual language to describe it, but the language of the Bible has become so lost to us that it took me at least a year to find the right words.

In that little triage room, we were in the midst of a spiritual battle. What we were dealing with was an unclean spirit. But because of modern medicine, we no longer choose to use these words. They sound medieval, even superstitious. I want to be clear with you. This was an unclean spirit, a demon.

Almost everything we need to know about unclean spirits is given to us in this passage from the gospel of Mark.

Jesus enters the city of Capernaum, and when the Sabbath comes, he goes to the synagogue. It is his refuge, the place of worship. He is drawn there. Just like he did when he went to Jerusalem at just eleven years old, Jesus goes to worship God.

As soon as Jesus arrives in the synagogue, there is a conflict, an incident. A man is not behaving normally. We don't know how this man behaved, how the spirit manifested itself. Mark does not take any time at all to describe the nature of this spirit or how it manifests itself. He is simply not interested in spending any time at all diagnosing this man. Does he babble? Does he hurt himself or others? We don't know. All that is important is that this spirit is unclean.

Americans are embarrassed by these exorcisms in the gospels. Often we just ignore them. But unclean spirit in the ancient Greek means impure disposition, troubled mind, broken thoughts. All of us experience unclean spirits in the sense that we all battle wayward thoughts in the privacy of our own minds. Think of anxiety, depression, anorexia, addiction, self-hatred, rage...

It is important to note that Jesus encounters this spirit in church, not outside on the street, but in the very house of worship itself. You would think that everyone would be on their best behavior in church, right? But anyone who has been in church for awhile knows that sometimes our worst selves come out in church, our most infantile or insecure selves. There is something about the presence of Jesus that makes our dark sides emerge.

Most unclean thoughts do not want to be seen, articulated. They hide. And that is one way to identify a thought or feeling. Are you embarrassed to say it? Do you know, somewhere deep inside, that it is wrong? If you are hesitant to share a thought or inclination, that is an indication that your motivation is unclean.

The first sign of health is honesty. The first movement of God is to bring the dysfunction out in the open. And that is often the most misunderstood part of church. We all think that everyone should behave in church, that everyone should be kind and sweet, and so they should be. But somehow being in the presence of God can make the worst in us come out. In fact, all our unclean spirits will be exposed here in church. God does not protect us from them; God exposes them. The first thing that happens when Jesus walks into worship is that the unclean spirit is exposed.

Mark describes the spirit as unclean. Not evil, not horrible, just unclean. These are the thoughts in your head that are not of pure intent. The thoughts that might want to hide from Jesus. They don't have to be terrible, just muddied a bit.

Unclean motivations operate out of fear. They are protective and defensive. If you are not open to feedback or the opinions of others, look at why. Unclean motivations are afraid of change and they are afraid of God. The unclean spirit is immediately defensive when Jesus arrives. "What have you to do with us, Jesus?" it asks.

When unclean thoughts are at risk, when they are at risk of being exposed as unclean, they make a lot of noise. Depression, anger, conflict - these can be the results when an unclean spirit is challenged. And it does not mean that someone has done something wrong. Conflict is of Christ and can be a good thing. It is a myth that we should be surrounded by harmony in the church. Actually, when unclean spirits are involved (and they are all over us in this world), bringing Jesus in the room means more conflict and not less.

In the gospel, Jesus allows the unclean spirit to speak, to make itself known, and then he tells it to be quiet. He does not converse with it or answer its questions. He just tells it to be quiet.

Silence, he says.

Unclean spirits hate silence. They want you busy and noisy. For heavens sake, don't stop and really listen to what God might be doing in your life. The enemy of impure thoughts and motivations is silence.

And then Jesus makes the unclean spirit come out of the man, but on it's way out it tears at it's former host, clings to him. Removing the unclean motivation is surgical. It hurts. It can be violent and painful and it can wound you on it's way out.

I felt that I saw a bit of Christ in that doctor that day. But even with his truth and wisdom, Dewey still would not stop drinking. He refused to check himself into the hospital that day. In fact, after the doctor told Dewey the truth, he was furious. He stood and walked right out. And things got worse before they got better.

Exactly one year later, Dewey could not walk. He was seated in his chair at home drinking when the family and I decided to do an intervention. He said that he didn't care if he died, but when I told him that I was worried about the state of his soul, he got up. He went to rehab and he is still alive and sober today.

And almost every day, he goes to AA meetings where he tells the truth about his unclean spirit. He says, "Hello. My name is Dewey and I am an alcoholic."

If it hadn't been for his faith in Jesus, Dewey might never have gotten out of that chair. He is alive today because he believed.

When he became sober, we did a wedding in church. Dewey and his wife wanted to be married again, without alcohol. I will never forget that beautiful day.

What are the unclean spirits that you keep to yourself? What motivations drive you away from God? What about yourself are you uncomfortable telling others? Bring these thoughts and fears to Jesus, into his silence and let him help you become clean.

- The Very Rev. Kate Moorehead